Your suffering comes from “overthinking” not the situation.

I am saying correctly. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger but the thoughts that comes after it could kill you. When the sorrowful situation or even the bully come to hurt you, you will feel depressed of course. That is simply understandable. However, the problem comes when mind turns to play the important roles here. You start to figure out the reason why these bad people and situations come to you? You keep asking why, why and why. Something they just come and go but you need the reason why so that you can eliminate the causes. You could come up with so many reasons on your list “as many as possible” The desire to attack the problem is problem itself. Sounds paradox,  doesn’t it?

There are two types of reasons you could come up. The reason that blames toward others. They are bad because his family doesn’t raise him well. It is the God’s plan. It is the influence of the star and whatever you can blame on. People who comes up with these kinds of reason will not end their suffering. No way because they don’t learn to take the responsibility toward their own needs and feeling inside. They try to control everything that make them suffered. EVERYTHING that they want to control, and that will drive him much more crazy and stressful.

The second type of reason is the reason that blames toward himself. Sounds better but actually it is egocentric like the first group of people. People with this reason will say “yes, I am wrong. I am always wrong. Why should i live. I am useless. i am the bad person who should not be born and waste anyone’s time”. To be honest, they try to solve the problem by investing in their suffering so that people will feel sorry, become interested in you, and help you solve any problems you currently have. That is absurd. These people will end up with throwing responsible to others to solve your problems.

Could you see the paradox of this situation when you go on overthinking. If you blames others as the cause of problem, they must go away from you.  If you blames yourself as the cause of problem, they must come to you. Unfortunately, both situations will turn you dependent on others. That is when your overthinking become the jail of your life! not the situations or people themselves.

Therefore, whatever happen to you, see it as it is . Watch it. When you feel bad because of it, just watch your feeling and your need behind that feeling. Do not try to figure out the reason why they happens.

Written by Jade the Mystic

The psychology and mindfulness writer helping you leverage your mind, understand life, reduce stress, relax and learn to heal your body and soul with meditation through life quotes, articles, books, speeches and advises.


  1. That is a great post, Jade. Although I neither blame others nor myself anymore I want to understand. I simply still feel that need to simply understand in order to deal with a situation. Within the past months I faced the toughest challenge on that. I did not get any answer and started “overthinking”. I knew exactly that I simply had to let it rest or happen what happens. But since that situation was so very important to me I couldn’t and I made myself dependent on the “not-answers” of the other person. It was a hard time of relief and falling back in thinking. I knew I had to detach myself. Last week I finally go my answer and although I wished it would have been a different one I was so relieved to finally know that I can let go. Your post is so true from head to toe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment reflects how brave you are, and basically thoughts come from need. There is the inner need. Glad that you tell me and especially yourself because when others haven’t got their answers, they keep telling themselves to move on and forget it. Unfortunately that the questions still haunt them. Sometime the question itself is problematic. It could be the wrong question. Sometime it should not be asked as well as we cannot see things more wider. When we experience something, realise something, the questions will be drop. There is no need for question and answer anymore. Thank you for reading and enjoying this post . : ))

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I do, Jade, that is my story and your post was a wonderful confirmation. You are so right when you say: “Sometime the question itself is problematic. It could be the wrong question.” That is right the problem. Everything is so subjective and only comes from our mind which never explains the intention of others.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Believing our thoughts can lead to a lot of unnecessary stress when it comes to trying to fill in the blanks, usually resulting in a false idea. You make a great point here, and I really need a lot of reminders. Thanks!


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