Your teeth always touch your tongue, so are you and people around you. You have to contact people everyday no matter what reasons are. It will so weird that all have same interests and attitudes, so there will be many things you don’t agree with people and vice versa.
I found the book called Nonviolent Communication authored by Marshall B. Rosenberg. Here is the book review for this idea, to live with the people you love peacefully. if there is any problem, we can talk directly. That’s why the peaceful communication is suggested.
observe, do not judge.
Explain things specifically as they are. Be moderate like the video recording the situations. You are not allowed to judge or interpret them. Guess, if you slap my face, I judge you are so merciless. You will be more angry on me that I judge you even if I don’t know you well. To be observer is to bring people understand each other more completely. To be judge is to enforce people understand only in your own way. That is detestable.
When you know the situation concretely,
identify your and people’s feelings
as the physically an mentally experiences from being responded or ignored. These are such as cold, hot, hungry, tired, afraid, angry, happy, sad, worried, excited and so on. Remember, only you have to be responsible to your own feeling. That is maturity. The actions or words from others are not the cause of feelings. They might stimulate feelings but the real cause is the desire which has been either responded or ignored. Therefore, do not throw the guilty to others by judging them.
Figure what you or people’s common needs
after observing situation and identifying feelings. Those needs must not the order to let someone do something for you. Don’t be obsess in your own ideas since others may not agree to follow. Figure needs generally so that people can come up with their other satisfying ways to fulfil your needs. You may need happiness, convenience, freedom, peace, safety, compassion etc, and there are so many way to achieve them with your and people’s ideas.
Last is to ask not give the order.
It is just your suggestion to response needs to others. They may response to your suggestions depended on how close you are. If they reject your suggestion, we can still continue the conversation nicely. and find the ways that all agree by asking them why they refuse your suggestion. Now it is your turn to understand them first before your needs will be responded. If you give them order, they may follow it reluctantly with fear on punishment.
The one of the most challenging things in life is to deal with people. Therefore, if one is self-centred and only follow his own mind, home, community, society and the world are not the nice place to live. With peaceful communication, you can understand people even yourself and find the win-win situations together.